Pg 70. Thinking about my writing

I recently sent this email...
Hello!
  My name is rachelle I was wondering about the house you had on craigslist! Are you asking a deposit? I'm a collage student paying my own tuition and could use my own space to study! Thank you for your time!
     Rachelle gainer 
   
  
There is a lot I should change here, My position should be that I am a suitable rennet for This house, I don't think stating what bills I have is a good idea I might Change it to something like:

   Hello!
          My name is Rachelle. I was inquiring about the house you had on Craigslist, I have a steady income and good references. Please feel free to contact me with any further information. 
360 *** ****
              Thanks,
                     Rachelle Gainer